Monday, September 24, 2012

I Floated Down a Murky River

Today is my birthday. 
I am 54 years old young. 
I woke this morning feeling very sad. 
This sadness has nothing to do with being another year older. 
To me, age is all in how you feel.
I have earned every line, pound, and gray hair I have.

This is why I am sad....

Last night, I floated down a river.
The water was warm, looking very much like milky coffee.
 There were lots of people, all having a great day on the water.
I was comfortable even though I didn't know anyone I was floating with. 
The river was one I have never seen before. 
It was narrow in places and was very unique in that it had tunnels that were almost cave like.
While in the tunnels it was cool,
 the water warm,
and light just up ahead proving the coolness would soon be replaced with the sun's warmth.
I felt content,
so many things I love adding to the experience.
Water, the river
the sunshine....and much to my surprise,
floating next to me!

My Mom!!!!

What happiness I felt to have her with me, floating down this new found river.
No words were spoken, her presence was enough.
Then, at a bend in the river it was time to go ashore.
We were walking out of the water and when I turned around she was gone.
I woke this morning with my face and pillow tear stained, and a sadness in my heart.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
In 21 days it will be six years since I have seen her.....
and I sure do miss her.


Laci said...

I'm sorry you're feeling sad, mom! At least Grammy gave you the gift of a river float with her last night!! Maybe she'll surprise you with more dreams soon to visit you some more! I hope you have a good are loved by SO so many!!!

Dana said...

This post makes me sad. How fitting's been a long time since you've dreamed of her. We all love you so much, Mom!

The Picketts said...

Ok, I am crying now. I know what it's like to lose your mama...and I STILL have no words to even say. Except that I love and adore you. You are one of my most favorite people. I can always count on you for kind words of encouragement, a listening ear and words of advice. I'm so sorry for that sadness and the gigantic hole left in your heart where the live presence of your mother should be. However, I know she's watching you. And helping you to be the amazing YOUNG lady you are today :) And thank you for our chat today.

The Gustafson Family said...

They say when they visit us in our dreams…we are longing for them to be here, and its their way of bringing up reassurance. I have had quite a few dreams about my mom lately too. Its weird to wake up with those mixed emotions…happy to have them close…yet sad for the longing for their nearness!! Hugs to you!!